Ready for the pain...

This time, I was prepared. I had already been through the shock and felt the pain. When I went to the orphanage again today, I was ready. I knew what awaited. I walked into the baby room and of course, was flocked by children. Most of the time, I had a child in each arm, spinning them around and hugging them. Once again, I saw their hunger for love, but this time, I also saw their pain revealed through anger. Some of the children want so much to be loved that they become frustrated and angry. Can you imagine living with that pain? Can you imagine being so desperate for love? I wanted to take every one of them home. Thankfully we got to take one! =) Fili, who the missionary family is trying to adopt, came home with us. He constantly wants to be held, and I happened to be the closest one at the time. As we toured and looked around the new church building, he clung to me, pointing to all the sights and fun things around. It’s been so amazing to see this family and everyone loving on little Fili. I long to be part of it. Today was a test of sorts, trying to figure out if I’m really cut out to help with an orphanage. Do I have the strength? Can I love then unconditionally? Can I love them, but be firm even when they are frustrated and in need of love? I think so. Today I realized, if this is what the Lord wants me to do with my life, He will provide the strength. That is my conclusion. The missionary family here in Chapala has said that if I come back, I could live with them. There are three English schools in Chapala. Also, the principal at Lincoln has encouraged me to come back. Grad school? Teaching in Chapala? Teaching in Guadalajara? Who knows…I’m waiting and praying for God’s guidance and peace.
02/01/10